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<meta property="og:description" content="梦中 我和她「相识」是在 2020 年的春节前，也就是新冠疫情快要爆发的那段时间。 那年冬天，在结束了在南科大的第一个学期之后，我带着南科大招生办的寄托，以及我自己 一腔为后辈们的人生抉择产生一点影响的社会责任感，我回到了母校郴州一中。那些在校园 里的慷慨陈词和强装出来的意气风发，这里按下不表。 后来，我收到了一条 QQ 的好友申请。这个女生叫做「蔌心」。正像大多数梦一样，我是如 何在交谈中渐渐得">
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如梦的人和如梦的故事<a href="https://github.com/sghuang19/portfolio/tree/main/source/_posts/%E5%A6%82%E6%A2%A6%E7%9A%84%E4%BA%BA%E5%92%8C%E5%A6%82%E6%A2%A6%E7%9A%84%E6%95%85%E4%BA%8B.md" class="post-edit-link" title="Edit this post" rel="noopener external nofollow noreferrer" target="_blank"><i class="fa fa-pen-nib"></i></a>
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<div class="post-body" itemprop="articleBody"><h2 id="梦中">梦中</h2>
<p>我和她「相识」是在 2020 年的春节前，也就是新冠疫情快要爆发的那段时间。</p>
<p>那年冬天，在结束了在南科大的第一个学期之后，我带着南科大招生办的寄托，以及我自己 一腔为后辈们的人生抉择产生一点影响的社会责任感，我回到了母校郴州一中。那些在校园 里的慷慨陈词和强装出来的意气风发，这里按下不表。</p>
<p>后来，我收到了一条 QQ 的好友申请。这个女生叫做「蔌心」。正像大多数梦一样，我是如 何在交谈中渐渐得知她的一些基本信息的已经无从回忆，这里先简单列举一下：她称自己并 非是湖南本地人，而是举家从东北搬到这里；她有个外号叫「盼盼」；她有一个弟弟，名唤 「蔌然」；她不在本年级的重点班；根据她分享的故事，似乎她是个类似校花的复杂人物。</p>
<p>总之，我不得不有点羞愧的承认，彼时内心匮乏无比的我，将这个素未谋面的女生当成了某 种救命稻草，寄托我内心的躁动。在很短的时间窗口里，我们在线上聊天许多。</p>
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<p>这天，她提到自己正在五岭广场附近，恰好是我所住的地方。我或明或暗地示意她不妨见上 一面，而她也含糊其辞地表示确有这样的可能性。于是我为此而激动了，换上自己认为最得 体的装束，在寒风中来到了广场旁。也许你能猜到，此时我收到消息，她已经离开了。</p>
<p>后来她又向我分享更多的故事。回顾来看，这些情节显得越发扑朔迷离。她提到她的心上 人，以及这个心上人是如何让她失望，并且提到了更多细节来丰富这个人物的形象。现在看 来，这些细节有些真实而丰富到虚假。她还暗示这两个家族背后都有些权力背景，彼时的我 竟然没有丝毫的怀疑。</p>
<p>随着我们交谈的更加深入，我被卷进她的生活和她的矛盾里。有时她的语言方式突然转变， 后来她解释称是她的弟弟登录他的账号。此外还有更多让人哭笑不得的故事发生，自然少不 了不回消息、或是删除联系方式这样的情节。</p>
<p>在那段时间里，我的注意力完全地被这个近乎虚幻的女孩所吸引，她的所有形象来自于几张 没有露出面貌的照片。我不太清楚自己在追求什么，但依然把我无处安放的过剩的浪漫倾注 到了这段纠葛当中。</p>
<p>在这些反反复复之后，她似乎陷入了某种情绪的低点，并且提出应该终止我们的联系。那天 下午，我在公交车上收到她的弟弟发来的消息，对此做出了一个解释：</p>
<p>「你怎么不知道，她是喜欢上你了！」</p>
<p>我已经不太能记起当时的情绪。尽力回忆之下，那似乎是一种释然，我在世界上达成了一件 事，或许不大也不重要，但这为我的生命平添了一层意义。</p>
<h2 id="梦醒">梦醒</h2>
<p>后来发生的事情我不太能记清，总之，不久之后高中和大学都相继开学了，渐忙起来的我逐 渐忘了和她聊天，以致近四年来，我们再也没有联系过。这四年里，我偶尔想起她和这段故 事，只觉得如梦一般。</p>
<p>理性来说，我更可能是被「欺骗」了。她也许没有弟弟，也不太可能姓「蔌」，也不太可能 是从东北搬来，也不太可能有着这样那样的复杂的家庭权势背景。至于她到我居住的地方附 近，以及那个若即若离的男友，更像是在适当的时候推出以唤起我的某种感情冲动的情节需 要。她也许根本不是「她」。</p>
<p>但当时的我被冲昏了头脑，正如在梦里人的判断力总会下降一样，我对这些都选择了相信， 甚至是在质疑过后，又打消了质疑，反复几次之后，彻底沉沦于此。</p>
<p>最初回过神来意识到我被「骗」时，我心里涌起的是一种羞耻感，但随即又很快消失，因为 我意识到，她也许也明白，或许我在欺骗她。</p>
<p>当她声称自己来到了我家附近，她或许是欺骗了我，但当我声称自己去到了广场，她也无从 得知我是否只是欺骗了她？她也无法知道，我所有的情绪表达，是不是在识破她的骗局之 后，再刻意地演戏给她看。当她为我的上当受骗沾沾自喜时，她或许才是受骗的那个人。</p>
<p>现在，这段故事已经像梦一样被封存了起来。我们对它已经没有什么好考据或者评论的。我 们都不知道真相如何。</p>
<p>只知道，在 2020 年的冬天，有两个人聊了很多，然后再也没有聊过。</p>
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